1. The Bride wore white
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?”
“Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life,” her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. The child thought about this for a moment, then said, “So why’s the groom wearing black?”
2. Faithfull
After having died, a couple souls flied to the heaven gate, St.Pierre opened the door and informed that for one time of unfaithfulness to each other in their life they will be prod by a needle.
After being prod 5 times, the wife turned to ST.Poerre and asked:
“Where is my husband?”
“He is lying on the sewing-machine table” St.Pierre replied.
After having died, a couple souls flied to the heaven gate, St.Pierre opened the door and informed that for one time of unfaithfulness to each other in their life they will be prod by a needle.
After being prod 5 times, the wife turned to ST.Poerre and asked:
“Where is my husband?”
“He is lying on the sewing-machine table” St.Pierre replied.
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3. A half success
“Hey, how about the render- vous?”
“It can be said that a half of success”
“What do you mean?”
“I came to the dated place but she didn’t.”
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4. Fiction book
A man walked into the book shop and asked the book seller:
“ I want to buy a book named Man is the ruler of woman.”
“Fiction book are sold in the next room.”
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5. Only You
A handsome guy told to himself while walking into the postcard shop:
“It is near Valentine day”
Then, he said to the postcard seller:
“Give me nine Only you postcards”
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6. Shut up
A couple were quarreling about money, at last the wife shout loudly:
“Whether is this TV here without my money? Whether is this refrigerator here without my money?
“Shut up!”, the husband got angry, “Whether am I here without your money?’
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7. AUSSIE GRASSHOPPERS
A Texas farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large."
Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows."
When the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field, he asks, "And what the heck are those?"
The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"
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8. LIKE A GENTLEMAN!
Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt’s house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.
The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him,
“ Now here’s a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman,”
“Like a gentleman?” Dick asked. “How do gentleman do it?”
“They always give the bigger piece to the other person,” answered his aunt at once.
“Oh,” said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he tool the cake to his sister and said to her,
“Cut this cake in half. Catherine.”
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9. Money And Friends
"Since he lost his money, half his friends don't know him any more"
"And the other half ?"
"They don't know yet that has lost it"
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10. The River Isn't Deep
A stranger on horse back came to a river with which he was unfamiliar. The traveller asked a youngster if it was deep.
"No", replied the boy, and the rider started to cross, but soon found that he and his horse had to swim for their lives.
When the traveller reached the other side he turned and shouted : "I thought you said it wasn't deep ?"
"It isn't", was the boy''''s reply : "it only takes grandfather's ducks up to their middles !"
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11. My Daughter's Music Lessons
"My daughter's music lessons are a fortune to me ?"
"How is that ?"
"They enabled me to buy the neighbors' houses at half price".
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12. A Cow Grazing
Artist : "That, sir, is a cow grazing"
Visitor : "Where is the grass ?"
Artist : "The cow has eaten it"
Visitor : "But where is the cow ?"
Artist : "You don''t suppose she'd be fool enough to stay there after she'd eaten all the grass, do you ?"
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13. Great Mystery
Newsboy : "Great mystery! Fifty victims! Paper, mister ?"
Passerby : "Here boy, I'll take one" (After reading a moment) "Say, boy, there's nothing of the kind in this paper. Where is it ?"
Newsboy : "That's the mystery, sir. You're the fifty first victim".
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“Hey, how about the render- vous?”
“It can be said that a half of success”
“What do you mean?”
“I came to the dated place but she didn’t.”
-------------------------
4. Fiction book
A man walked into the book shop and asked the book seller:
“ I want to buy a book named Man is the ruler of woman.”
“Fiction book are sold in the next room.”
------------------------
5. Only You
A handsome guy told to himself while walking into the postcard shop:
“It is near Valentine day”
Then, he said to the postcard seller:
“Give me nine Only you postcards”
-------------------------
6. Shut up
A couple were quarreling about money, at last the wife shout loudly:
“Whether is this TV here without my money? Whether is this refrigerator here without my money?
“Shut up!”, the husband got angry, “Whether am I here without your money?’
----------------------------
7. AUSSIE GRASSHOPPERS
A Texas farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large."
Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows."
When the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field, he asks, "And what the heck are those?"
The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"
--------------
8. LIKE A GENTLEMAN!
Dick was seven years old, and his sister, Catherine, was five. One day their mother took them to their aunt’s house to play while she went to the big city to buy some new clothes.
The children played for an hour, and then at half past four their aunt took Dick into the kitchen. She gave him a nice cake and a knife and said to him,
“ Now here’s a knife, Dick. Cut this cake in half and give one of the pieces to your sister, but remember to do it like a gentleman,”
“Like a gentleman?” Dick asked. “How do gentleman do it?”
“They always give the bigger piece to the other person,” answered his aunt at once.
“Oh,” said Dick. He thought about this for a few seconds. Then he tool the cake to his sister and said to her,
“Cut this cake in half. Catherine.”
----------------------
9. Money And Friends
"Since he lost his money, half his friends don't know him any more"
"And the other half ?"
"They don't know yet that has lost it"
------------------------------
10. The River Isn't Deep
A stranger on horse back came to a river with which he was unfamiliar. The traveller asked a youngster if it was deep.
"No", replied the boy, and the rider started to cross, but soon found that he and his horse had to swim for their lives.
When the traveller reached the other side he turned and shouted : "I thought you said it wasn't deep ?"
"It isn't", was the boy''''s reply : "it only takes grandfather's ducks up to their middles !"
---------------------
11. My Daughter's Music Lessons
"My daughter's music lessons are a fortune to me ?"
"How is that ?"
"They enabled me to buy the neighbors' houses at half price".
----------------------------
12. A Cow Grazing
Artist : "That, sir, is a cow grazing"
Visitor : "Where is the grass ?"
Artist : "The cow has eaten it"
Visitor : "But where is the cow ?"
Artist : "You don''t suppose she'd be fool enough to stay there after she'd eaten all the grass, do you ?"
------------------------
13. Great Mystery
Newsboy : "Great mystery! Fifty victims! Paper, mister ?"
Passerby : "Here boy, I'll take one" (After reading a moment) "Say, boy, there's nothing of the kind in this paper. Where is it ?"
Newsboy : "That's the mystery, sir. You're the fifty first victim".
----------------------------
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